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Why did Eve want to move to New York?

She fell for the Big Apple!

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says: "Of course not Johnny."

To which Johnny replies: "Then I have definitely shit my pants."

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

There have been sightings of UFO's.

First guy proudly: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

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