Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
A cowboy was riding accross the plain when he heard shouting from a nearby house. So he went over to investigate and after searching the house, found a young maiden lying naked in bed, with her four limbs tied to the bed corners.
"Oh thank god" she cried: "you have got to help me, two men came by and killed my husband then took it in turn to ravish me before stealing all our money, help me please!"
The cowboy thought for a second, then as he unzipped his fly and took down his trousers he said: "Maam, this just aint your lucky day!"
Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"