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Yo momma is so fat, everytime she farts people think there's an earthquake!
A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"? Boyfriend says: "Eating between meals!"
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time!
Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub when Mary says: "I need a piss" an goes behind a bush and drops her knickers. Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary's legs. He says "have you changed sex?" Mary says "no, I have changed my mind, I am having a shit!"
The 5 worst things about being a penis is ... 1. You have a hole in your head. 2. Your best friend is a cunt. 3. Your next door neighbors are 2 nuts and an asshole. 4. Every time you get excited you throw up. 5. You always are wearing a collar.