Baby Jokes
Top 50 Jokes about Babies

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

When you see teeth marks.

Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones.

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

With any luck, right after it finishes college.

Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?

Because the text on the diapers package said '18-40 lbs'.