1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner. 2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise. 3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others. 4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed. 5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular - it's what everyone is waiting for.
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."
Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
1) "I want a detailed memo about this issue till tomorrow's morning." 2) "You were supposed to have changed that light bulb last week!" 3) "We haven't got a policy on that". 4) "I am on my way to a very important meeting, so we'll discuss it some other time." 5) Three. Two to find out if it needs changing, and one to tell an employee to change it.