Wife jokes

Husband: "Want a quickie?"

Wife: "As opposed to what?"

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog of course ... at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

His wife is good at picking out clothes.

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another double martini.

After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another one.

The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martini's all night long - but you got to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I will know it's time to go home!"