Husband jokes

Husband: "Want a quickie?"

Wife: "As opposed to what?"

My husband said he wanted more space.

So I locked him outside.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?

Because the text on the diapers package said '18-40 lbs'.