Husband jokes

Husband: "Want a quickie?"

Wife: "As opposed to what?"

My husband said he wanted more space.

So I locked him outside.

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?

Miss her. Pity her.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.