Husband jokes

Husband: "Want a quickie?"

Wife: "As opposed to what?"

My husband said he wanted more space.

So I locked him outside.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?

Because the text on the diapers package said '18-40 lbs'.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.