32 jokes about golf
26 Jesus jokes
, and an old man tee off.
The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole.
Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole.
The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.
Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Play fair dad!"
33 wife jokes
Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend
, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife
, and the other is my mistress
. Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."
20 funeral jokes
and a friend
are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
12 urinal jokes
1) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2) Form a loose grip.
3) Keep your head down.
4) Avoid a quick back swing.
5) Stay out of the water.
6) Try not to hit anyone.
7) If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8) Don't stand directly in front of others.
9) Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.
10) Don't take extra strokes.
Now, that's very good. Flush the urinal
, go outside, and tee
6 woman jokesNext page Jokes
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Jim
was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse
loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee
please back up to the men
's tee, please!"
Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women
's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"
Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"