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Whats the difference between a bad
golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK ... "Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"! ... WHACK.
A golfer called one of the caddies
and asked, "I need a caddy who can count
and keep the score. What's 3 and 4 and 5 come to?"
"10" said the caddy.
"Great, you'll do perfectly!"
After a particularly poor game of golf
, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman
stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President
Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?
O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a hooker
, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.1
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?