Whats the difference between a bad
golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK ... "Damn"! A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"! ... WHACK.
A golfer called one of the caddies
and asked, "I need a caddy who can count
and keep the score. What's 3 and 4 and 5 come to?"
"10" said the caddy.
"Great, you'll do perfectly!"
After a particularly poor game of golf
, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman
stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."
Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President
Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?
O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a hooker
, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!
It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.0