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"Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?"

"Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!"

6     mommy mommy jokes


One day a man went into a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup. The waitress brought his order out to him on a tray with her middle finger immersed in the middle of his soup bowl.

"What the hell's the idea of putting your finger in my soup bowl?" the man bellowed at the waitress.

"My doctor said the best thing for my rheumatism was to keep my finger pressed in a warm damp place," the waitress informed him.

"Oh yeah," the man shouted, "then why don't you take that finger of yours and shove it up your fat ass?"

"I'm sorry sir the waitress replied, but I already tried that before I brought your soup out."

37     ass jokes


100 people get the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask.

A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom!

4     AIDS jokes


Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

15     windows jokes


An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.

They were also puzzled, the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said: "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then weakly said: "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

11     preacher jokes




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