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In church, a pastor was leading the house in prayer. He said, "God, please protect your believers, and deliver us from sin."

Chuck Norris stood up and said, "What have you done for me lately?"

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What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?

One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

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Why are men so bad at sex and driving?

Because the bastards pull out with no thought of who else might be coming!

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