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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

19    

basketball

The U.S Military has stopped dropping bombs in Iraq, and started dropping Chuck Norris, because he's cheaper and he does more damage.

13    


parakeet
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"

To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"

6    


What not to say to the nice policeman:

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector was unplugged.

2    

policeman,shield

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