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Gun jokes

32 jokes about guns



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How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy?

Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

38     us jokes


What not to say to the nice policeman:

Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

22     policeman jokes


An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always remember me. But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead.

You lisina to me, some day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple od bambino, some day you goina come hom and maybe finda you wife in be with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "TIMES UP"?

35     mafia jokes


A panda walks into a burger joint, orders a burger, pulls out a gun shoots the waiter and leaves.

The waiter looks up and says what the hell is wrong with you.

And the panda says: "I read that pandas eat shoots and leaves."

19     panda jokes


They've got a new birth control pill for men now. I think that's fair. It makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

33     birth control jokes






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