Married - 39 jokes
"Honey," said this
husband to his
wife, "I invited a
friend home for
supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor
fool's thinking about getting married."
30
marriage jokes"Daddy," a little boy asked his
father. "How much does it
cost to get married?"
"I don't know,
son. I'm still paying for it."
40
marriage jokesWhy are married
women heavier than
single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the
fridge and go to
bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
39
woman jokesTwo married Fellas, Jim and
Alec were having a
beer after work. Jim says: "Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?"
"How do you mean?" said Alec.
"Well, see the other day, instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg"
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Alec. "Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say 'Pass me the Sugar.' But what came out was "You
bitch, you've ruined my life!!!"
42
marriage jokesA
couple were married and, following the wedding, the
husband laid down some
rules.
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be
sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
33
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