Married - 38 jokes
42 → Joke
Why are married women
heavier than single
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed
. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
55 → Joke
"Daddy," a little boy asked his father
. "How much does it cost
to get married?"
"I don't know, son
. I'm still paying for it."
57 → Joke
Two married Fellas, Jim and Alec
were having a beer
after work. Jim says: "Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?"
"How do you mean?" said Alec.
"Well, see the other day, instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg"
"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Alec. "Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say 'Pass me the Sugar.' But what came out was "You bitch
, you've ruined my life!!!"
40 → Joke
were married and, following the wedding, the husband
laid down some rules
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex
here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
16 → Joke
What is the one thing that all men
at singles bars
have in common?
They are married.
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