What does Princess Diana and a bottle of French wine have in common?13 Princess Diana Jokes
They both came from France in a wooden box.
A man got 2 wishes from god. He asked for the best wine and best woman.32 God Jokes
Next moment, he had the best wine and Mother Theresa next to him.
Moral: Be Specific.
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."26 Preacher Jokes
With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.23 Food Jokes
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt – though their cars are written off.4 Accident Jokes
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily:
"That’s incredible both our cars are demolished but we’re fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!"
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
The woman goes on, "And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let’s drink to our love!"
"Well, OK!" says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.
"Your turn," says the man.
"No, thanks," says the woman, "I think I’ll just wait for the police."