77 jokes about animals
12 → Joke
What are a woman
's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
58 → Joke
drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Yep," the wife
19 → Joke
At a session with a marriage
counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex
Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five times a year!"
30 → Joke
was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes
, but didn't want to pay the high prices.
After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price."
Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
41 → Joke
broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus
is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot
in a cage.
He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."
He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, "Moses
The burglar asked, "what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"
The parrot said, "the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus".