Pregnancy jokes

What is the most common pregnancy craving?

For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

With any luck, right after it finishes college.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

Yes, your bladder.

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?

Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon Little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnny.

"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Damned if I know" said Johnny, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."