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Jokes > Topics > H > Husband Jokes

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Husbands · Lawn Mowers · Laziness
man,callingWhy are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
0 Comments · Details
Husbands · Wives · Friends · Fools · Marriage
man,calling"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
3 Comments · Details


Husbands · Wives · Mourning · Death
caveman,foodA man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."
1 Comment · Details


Husbands · Women · Boss · Employees
woman,martiniIn a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."
2 Comments · Details
Husbands · Babies · Diapers
baby,boyWhy didn't the husband change the baby for a week?

Because the text on the diapers package said '18-40 lbs'.
1 Comment · Details

Husband Jokes
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