A life long supporter of the labour party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the Tory party.
"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're labour through and through … Why change now?"
The man leaned forward and explained: "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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Hillary Clinton goes to a psychic who tells her: "Prepare yourself for widowhood ... Your husband is about to die a violent death."
Mrs. Clinton takes a deep breath and replies: "Will I be acquitted?"
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An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother's strudel!"
"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."
"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.
One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.
"Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries.
"I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the funeral."
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