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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief
to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss
on my grave
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor
, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
said it'd be a good idea, Sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army
A young man
with a wild and multi-coloured hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man.
"What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy
in your life?"
The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex
with a parrot
. I thought you might be my son."
A Navy Chief
and an Admiral
were sitting in the barbershop
. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers
reached for some aftershave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain
Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate
ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood
. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants."