Definition jokes

What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?

Sex.

Definition of pornography: Reading material to be held in *one* hand!

What's the definition of a minor second?

Two violists playing in unison.

A social worker asks a colleague: "What time is it?"

The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."

The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."