1) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 2) Form a loose grip. 3) Keep your head down. 4) Avoid a quick back swing. 5) Stay out of the water. 6) Try not to hit anyone. 7) If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you. 8) Don't stand directly in front of others. 9) Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go. 10) Don't take extra strokes.
Now, that's very good. Flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer.
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer.
The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.
The priest drives the green within 5 yards of the hole.
Jesus slices the ball and it goes into the water hazard. He quickly runs across the water and hits his second onto the green 2 inches from the hole.
The old man tees off with a short worm burner that trickles into the hazard. Soon after a fish eats the ball and swims across the pond with it in its mouth. Just then an eagle swoops down and snatches the fish with the golf ball and flies off. The eagle loses its grip and drops the fish on the green. The fish then spits out the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one.
Jesus turns to the old man and replies, "Play fair dad!"
Rab addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped!
Rab and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet. "Good heavens" said Rab, "what shall I do?"
"Don't move him" said his playing partner, "if we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away."
Golf rules for beginners:
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.