Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.34 Sex Jokes
Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''
Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''
Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''
Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"
"Mommy, Mommy! Joey is biting grandma's nail."10 Mommy Mommy Jokes
"Joey, stop it, or I am closing the coffin!"
A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?".22 Santa Claus Jokes
"I want a Barbie and a GI Joe" says the little girl.
"But Barbie comes with Ken" Santa says,
"No, Barbie only 'cums' with GI Joe!"
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."9 Cockpit Jokes
Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right - is the captain a woman? I think I better have scotch and soda."
When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit."