lady is being examined by a doctor
who asks her: "Have you ever been bedridden
The old lady smiles and says: "I certainly have and I've been table ended and back skuttled a few times too!"
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas
. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor
After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh ... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"
"Well," said the doctor raising his voice a little, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing
was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."
Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news
and some worse news.
"The bad news is that the urine
is from the Vice President."
"Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?"
"The handwriting's the first lady's."