9 jokes about jews
How many Arabs
does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Arabs just sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.
met with the College
to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.
"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics
are superior, by challenging you to a golf
The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres ... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist
heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall
to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace
between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall."
A Televangelist a Rabbi
and a Hindu
holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer
. The farmer said: "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn
"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. The Rabbi replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig
in the barn and my faith believes that this is an unclean animal
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door, "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow
in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that leaves only the Televangelist to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
Three blonde friends die together in a car wreck. They find themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He warns them that before they can enter heaven, they have to tell him what Easter is about.3
The first blonde says, "Easter is a holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."
"Nooooo," groans St. Peter. "You don't get in."
The second blonde says, "Easter is the holiday where we decorate a tree with pretty ornaments and give each other presents."
"Nooooo," groans St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."
The third blonde says, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with his disciples, he was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified him on a cross. After he died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."
"Very good!" says St. Peter.
But the blonde continues. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter."