Dead Jokes
Top 20 Jokes about Dead

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start! (Unless you are an environmentalist; then you would consider this indiscriminate dumping of hazardous waste.)

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker

told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man

thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and

you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take

that chance."