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We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?

It's usually still in the case.


We try to keep him out of the kitchen.

Last time he cooked he burned the salad.


What burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?

Neither, they both burn shorter!


A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."

The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."

Then the blonde says I brought a car door." The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?" Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the window if it gets hot."


An Alcoholic, a Chain Smoker and a Homosexual go to the doctor.

The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."

As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.

As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning. The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says: "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"





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