A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says: "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says: "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says: "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"