Why was the leper caught speeding?
He couldn't take his foot off the accelerator.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
What not to say to the nice policeman:
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!
What not to say to the nice policeman:
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?