What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean.
The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word "definitely" in a sentence.
Little Johnny replies: "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"
The Teacher says: "Of course not Johnny."
To which Johnny replies: "Then I have definitely shit my pants."
What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.