What burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
Neither, they both burn shorter!
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a red elephant? You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a green elephant? Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a yellow elephant? Ever seen a yellow elephant?
Dinner lady: "Eat up your greens, they are good for your skin."
Pupil: "But I don't want green skin!" Proposal
Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said: "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!"
The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"
Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."
The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready. "Well, what is it?" he asks. "It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs." The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?" The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is." "That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."