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Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down.


My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.

How is she now?

She's fine - but the dog died.


A man staggers into a hospital with concussion, Multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

The doctor asked "What happened to you?"

"Well I was playing Golf with my wife when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that ..."


There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.

They got married, and now he is going through hell.


Yo momma is so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt!