Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really tick me off!"
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."