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Tom addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped!

Tom and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet. "Good heavens" said Tom, "what shall I do?"

"Don't move him" said his playing partner, "if we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away."

11     Golf Jokes


Proposal

A man was sitting in a room with a blonde itching to ask her something.

He asked her, "Can I ask you a question? Then you ask me one. If I get yours wrong I will give you £50, and if you get mine wrong you give me a fiver.

The blonde nods and replies, "Ok then."

So the man says, "What's the distance between the sun and the earth?"

The blonde hands him a fiver.

She then says, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs but comes down with 4?"

The man thinks for ages on this question and finally gives up and gives the blonde £50. He then asks her, "What's the answer then?"

The blonde hands him a fiver.

1     Short jokes


An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replied, "Sure."

She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:

"I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

3     Remembering Jokes


The vector was walking down cartesian drive when he bumped into a confused Scalar.

The vector asked him what was wrong and he replied, "Help I have no direction."

3     Vector Jokes


Proposal

Three guys meet after work at a bar. They all get pretty hammered and eventually split up. The next morning they gather around the watercooler and tell of their exploits from the previous night.
Guy #1 "I was so drunk last night I couldn't even get up my front steps. My wife found me on the porch and gave me hell!
Guy #2 "That's nothing. I stumbled home, dropped my key, couldn't find it so I banged on my front door, turns out I went to the wrong house. The guy who answered the door was so mad he punched me and I fell onto his garden gnome butt first!
They all looked at the third guy who said nothing. "Wellllllll???" they asked.
Guy #3 said, "I went home and blew chunks".
They all laughed, "That's nothing!"
Guy #3 "No, no, you don't understand...Chunks is my dog."     ~ Gnome De Plume

0     Short jokes






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