There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife. He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said ... **Take one pill for a great night** The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night; so he downed the whole bottle.28 Sex Jokes
In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man's son sitting on the porch crying. "What's wrong?" they said.
"Mom's dead, Sister's pregnant, My backside hurts, and Dad's in the basement yelling: Here Kitty Kitty ..."
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"23 Doctor Jokes
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."26 Doctor Jokes
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work.
A panda walks into a burger joint, orders a burger, pulls out a gun shoots the waiter and leaves.24 Panda Jokes
The waiter looks up and says what the hell is wrong with you.
And the panda says: "I read that pandas eat shoots and leaves."
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."23 Manager JokesNext page JokesWrong Sayings
Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".