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Top 100 Jokes about Women



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How do you get your dishwasher to work?

Slap her!

32     Dishwasher Jokes


A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"115" she says.

The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 foot 8," she says.

The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

17     Weight Jokes


Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time."

Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."

13     Sex Jokes


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

20     Money Jokes


A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

25     Fly Jokes






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