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Wish jokes

28 jokes about wishes



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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"

29     genie jokes


Three blonde friends die together in a car wreck. They find themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He warns them that before they can enter heaven, they have to tell him what Easter is about.

The first blonde says, "Easter is a holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," groans St. Peter. "You don't get in."

The second blonde says, "Easter is the holiday where we decorate a tree with pretty ornaments and give each other presents."

"Nooooo," groans St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

The third blonde says, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with his disciples, he was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified him on a cross. After he died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

"Very good!" says St. Peter.

But the blonde continues. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter."

15     blonde jokes


"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

23     shopping jokes


Proposal

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful and offered the kids their wish.

The first kid said, "I would like to go to Disneyland."

George said: "No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One!"

The second kid said: "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said: "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said: "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"

George is a little perplexed by this and says: "But you don't look like you are injured."

The kid says: "I will be immediately, after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning!"

12     Short jokes


In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall."

20     wall jokes






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