in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming
pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. “Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!"
At an army
training camp in Florida
, the sergeant is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment." An alligator
came in the room and bit the sergeants penis
. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes
and kicked it off.
"Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the sergeant. A man put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."
10% of the women
within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men
had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
Three young women in there thirties are on a road trip and are tearing down the freeway. unfortunatley, they lose control, the car flips over the guard rail on to the opposite lanes and gets smashed by an eighteen wheeler.
Up at the pearly gates, all three of them are greeted by St. Peter. He tells them. "All of you led very good lives down on earth, so all of you will be asmitted into paradise. The only rule: "DON'T STEP ON THE DUCKS
Confused, they all ask "Um ... what?"
St. Peter says "If you step on one duck, it quacks. If a duck quacks, other ducks will start quacking, and ... well ... you'll see."
With that, the gates opened and the three waltzed inside. And, sure enough, All of heaven
is covered with ducks. there is almost no room to walk with the millions of ducks.
A day of careful stepping later, the first woman steps on a duck. Seconds later, every single duck in heaven is quacking. It's so loud the women aren't suprised if earth could hear it. Hours later, when the quacking ceased, an angel appears with a very ugly man and chains him to the lady and tells her this is her eternal punishment for the duck-stepping.
Not wanting the same fate, the other two women become very cautious for the next week, but sure enough, the second lady steps on a duck.
She gets the same punishment as the first lady.
The third lady becomes so careful that, a year-and-a-half later, she is still duck-free. Then, an angel appears next to her with a very handsome man and chains him to her.
Thinking that this must be a reward for her good-doing she asks the man gleefully "What did I do to deserve this?"
And the man replies with a grimace, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."