96 jokes about wives
40 → Joke
and, following the wedding, the husband
laid down some rules
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex
here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
20 → Joke
, a lawyer
and a manager
were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress
. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."
The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."
The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work
13 → Joke
While attending a Marriage
Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands
and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-rising, isn't it?"
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.
26 → Joke
walks into the bedroom
holding two aspirin
and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?" "It's for your headache
." "I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
33 → Joke
was invited for dinner
at a friend
's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love
", "Darling", "Sweetheart
", etc., etc.
His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names
The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."
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