98 jokes about wives
37 sex jokes
and, following the wedding, the husband
laid down some rules
"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing
, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex
here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
22 breakfast jokes
The angry wife met her husband
at the door. There was alcohol
on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast
26 cop jokes
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
"You know," says the cop
, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
9 golf jokes
stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner
nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man
," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball
's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
23 headache jokesNext page Jokeswife sayings
walks into the bedroom
holding two aspirin
and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?" "It's for your headache
." "I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"