97 jokes about wives
53 Jerusalem jokes
and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem
. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead
. I just can’t take
52 penis jokes
What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick
You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
53 sex jokes
The husband says to wife: "My Olympic condoms
have arrived. Think I will wear gold
The wife says: "Why don't you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?"
41 man jokes
is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake
. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye
, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast
, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the heck was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT
- BEHIND - THE BUSH"
19 friend jokesNext page Jokeswife sayings
A man is sitting at the bar
in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey
. One of his friends
happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink
before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky
in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs,
"Not anymore! ... He is!"