Wife jokes

How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" .

"Well ... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well ... not exactly ... I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.

"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."

"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."

The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"Your dog called last night."

A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighborhood.

"How often a week do you have sex with your wife?" asked the inquirer.

"Three times," Jeff said without hesitation.

"That is once more often than your neighbor," the inquirer said, writing.

"That makes sense," Jeff said, "after all, she's my wife."

What's the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job will still suck.