86 jokes about wives
42 → Joke
came up behind her husband
while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog
track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
39 → Joke
placed some flowers on the grave
of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband
34 → Joke
A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey
in Jeff's neighborhood.
"How often a week do you have sex
with your wife?" asked the inquirer.
"Three times," Jeff said without hesitation.
"That is once more often than your neighbor
," the inquirer said, writing.
"That makes sense," Jeff said, "after all, she's my wife."
24 → Joke
What's the difference between your wife and your job
After five years your job will still suck
51 → Joke
A husband pinches his wifes arse and says: "Do you know if you firm this up you could get rid of your girdle?"
The wife annoyed, decided to bite her tongue and say nothing.
Later that night in bed, the husband squeezed her tits
and said: "Do you know, if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra?"
Absolutely fuming, the wife reached over and grabbed his dick and said: "Well do you know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the milk man and your fucking brother?"