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Wife jokes

86 jokes about wives


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First guy proudly: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

130    

woman,roses

woman,roses
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

29    


woman,roses
Husband and Wife on 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: "What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?"

He says: "I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry".

She says: "What are you thinking now?"

"Looks like I did a pretty good job!"

105    


woman,roses
A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff's neighborhood.

"How often a week do you have sex with your wife?" asked the inquirer.

"Three times," Jeff said without hesitation.

"That is once more often than your neighbor," the inquirer said, writing.

"That makes sense," Jeff said, "after all, she's my wife."

32    


How can you tell if your wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

64    

woman,watering

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