7 jokes about widows
54 → Joke
What do you call a woman
who knows where her husband
is every night?
42 → Joke
dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher
. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts.
After the marriage
, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband
tells his wife
, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex
They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath
There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night."
Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."
Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?"
"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family
28 → Joke
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning
as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating
for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black
. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom
. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences
Hillary Clinton38 → Joke
goes to a psychic
who tells her: "Prepare yourself for widowhood ... Your husband
is about to die a violent death
Mrs. Clinton takes a deep breath and replies: "Will I be acquitted?"
Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.7 → Joke
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!
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