200 jokes about ways
45 → Joke
Nina and Rosie were always trying to get the other's goat and today they were meeting for lunch
Nina noticed that Rosie was walking stiffly and asked what the problem was.
Rosie replied, "Oh nothing. It's just that my husband
is so big I just can't take it."
Nina replied, "I know, I know."
21 → JokeProposal
Two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery
just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death
... we thought you were a ghost
! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
A blonde walked in to a barber shop listening to her CD player.16 → JokeProposal
BARBER: Ma'am, will you please take out your headphones?
BLONDE: NO!!! It is my way only of living!
BARBER: Okay, fine.
But secretly, in the middle of the haircut he takes the headphones out.
TWO HOURS LATER:
The blonde is dead, the barber is arrested, and police are on the crime scene.
The police decide to listen to the CD and it said, "Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out ..."
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.14 → Joke
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment.
Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
44 → Joke
The man tells his doctor
that his wife
hasn't wanted to have sex
with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"