50 jokes about waterProposal
Teacher: "What can we do to stop water pollution?"2 Proposal
Little Johnny: "Stop taking baths?"
Teacher had an idea. She would ask the class a question on friday afternoon and whoever could answer it did not have to come back to school till tuesday. The first friday came and she asked,"how many grains of sand are in the sahara desert?" None of the kids knew that and she didn't either. The next friday came and she asked,"how many gallons of water are in the atlantic ocean?"Same results, the kids didn't know the answer and she didn't either. Little Johnny had a bright idea, thursday night he got two golf balls and painted them black. Friday when teacher was just going to ask the question, he threw the golf balls on the floor. Teacher asked, "OK, WHOSE THE COMEDIAN WITH THE BLACK BALLS?" Little Johnny said, "EDDIE MURPHY, SEE YOU TUESDAY TEACHER!!4 Proposal
What's the difference between a pussy cat and a pussy?7 Proposal
One hates water while the other loves to be wet.
A passenger plane was flying over a desert when one engine broke down and the plane crashed.3
One man survived and decided that not knowing when help would arrive, he needed to prepare himself for surviving.
After three months the man had settled in quite nicely, built him a shelter, had a steady food supply and found a water hole.
Also at this water hole he came across a lone camel staying by the water hole, and accepted this camel as his 'company'.
For another three months this went on until the man was starting to get bored with the life he had made for himself in the desert, and as with any man, the man had been raunchy for quite a while now, until one day, whilst looking at the camel, considered it ... and had a go but failed in his attempt.
This was the case every day for the following three months, with the man getting to an uncontrollable state of raunchiness, when another plane crashed near where the man was staying, he rushed to the scene to find a sole survivor, a beautiful young French female model.
The man helped the lady to his home where he fed her, gave her water and started telling his whole story about living in the desert.
As night fell and the man went on telling his story, the model got more and more amazed at this man's story, and by the time the man was had finished, the woman had even fallen in love, and with their romantic atmosphere asked him that for all of his troubles and kindness, there surely was something she could do for him??
... After thinking for a while the man agreed and pointed at the camel saying "I've been trying for three months now, I would really appreciate it if you could please hold the camel still!"
At a recent computer
expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:
had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft
, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8) New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13) You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.