Watching - 16 jokes
14 football jokes
After spending all day watching football
, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV
and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife
woke him up.
"Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to seven."
He awoke with a start and said, "In who's favor?"
6 Christmas jokesProposal
A guy was walking around the office Christmas
party belting down drink after drink. But every ten or fifteen minutes, he reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something out, took a look at it, then put it back in his pocket.
Finally, a friend came up to him and said: "George, I've been watching you all night, and I have to ask what's in your shirt pocket?"
"It's a picture of my wife."
"Why do you keep looking at it?"
"Because," George replied: "When she finally starts looking good, it's time to go home!"
Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, Mum," so Natalie fell down.3 Short jokes
Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away, it's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day."
9 golf jokes
stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner
nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife
is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man
," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball
's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
3 remembering jokesNext page Jokes
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering
things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"
He replied, "To the kitchen."
She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replied, "Sure."
She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."
He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:
"I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"