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Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'

The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'

When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'

23     preacher jokes


The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were: "Oh, Shit!"

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

25     beer jokes


Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers, "What is this?"

The first lawyer replies, "It's the $100 I owe you."

19     lawyer jokes


Proposal

Two gay guys are shopping at a store. The one gay guy starts wiggling his butt. His partner looks at him and says, "What's wrong honey?" The other says, "It feels like there's something stuck up my ass." The other says, "Well let's go home and I'll check." They get home and he drops his pants and bends over. The other gay guy sticks his hand in his butthole up to his wrist and feels around. "Nope, nothing there!" The other guy says, "Oh just go in farther, I can still feel it there." So he sticks his arm in up to his elbow and feels around. "Still nothing!" Then the other says, "You almost had it, just a little farther!" So he jams his arm up the poopchute to his shoulder and feels something!" He draws out his arm and looks, in the palm of his hand is a wrist watch! The other guy starts singing, "Happy birthday to you....."     ~ bill gates o hell

3     Short jokes


In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a fuckin' wall."

23     wall jokes






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