85 jokes about wars
Scientists7 Chuck Norris jokes
in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches
and Chuck Norris
36 genie jokes
was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie
's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace
in the Middle East. See this map
? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man
. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"
23 land mine jokes
for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban
who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men
if this was a sign of growing equality
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
0 marine jokes
During the Vietnam
war, a Lieutenant
asked a Marine
why he was falling back during a really fierce battle
. "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered
4 to 1?"
The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."
29 soldier jokesNext page Jokes
A battle weary American soldier
boarded a crowded train
in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog
curled up on one of the seats. A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "oh! You Americans. You are so rude.
Fluffy is in that seat, and i see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.
"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... you eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong bitch
out the window."