Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.28 Vampire Jokes
"I'll have a glass of blood," said one.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the other.
"Okay," replied the bartender, "That'll be one blood and one blood lite."
There was a prostitute on the beach without any arms or legs, and crying. A man came along and asked her what the matter was. She tells him that she has not been hugged before, so he picks her up and hugs her.27 Prostitute Jokes
The next day she is still there crying, the same man comes along and asks her what the matter is. She tells him that she has not been kissed before, so he picks her up and kisses her.
The next day she's still there crying, and same man comes along again. He asks her sternly what the matter is and she tells him that she has not been fucked before. So the man picks her up, walks to the end of the pier, and throws her in the sea and says: "Now you're fucked."
Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.29 Golf Jokes
So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."
Two five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!".27 Kid Jokes
"I've been circumcised." the other replied.
"What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
"How old were you when it was cut off?"
"My mom said I was two days old."
"Did it hurt?" the kid asked inquiringly.
"You bet it hurt, I didn't walk for a year!"
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.26 Doctor Jokes
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."