Us - 727 jokes
71 → Joke
buys his wife
"I don't like it" she says, "I want some what that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds."
So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says "stand on that you fat fucker
70 → Joke
When I was younger I hated going to weddings
. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
Husband70 → Joke
on 10th anniversary. The wife undresses and says: "What did you think when I stripped 10 years ago?"
He says: "I wanted to fuck
your brains out and suck your tits dry".
She says: "What are you thinking now?"
"Looks like I did a pretty good job!"
61 → Joke
had his credit card stolen. He however decided not to report it because the thief
was spending less than his wife
63 → Joke
A bloke walks into a bar
and orders 10 double whiskys and downs them in one.
Barman: "What's up?"
Bloke: "My youngest son just told me he's gay
Next day he goes in and orders 15 double whiskys.
Barman: "What's up now?"
Bloke: "Just found out my oldest son is gay!"
Next day he goes in and orders 20 double whiskys.
Barman: "Fuck me! Does no one in your family like pussies?"
Bloke: "Yes - my wife!"
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