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163 jokes about urns



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What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

About three pounds, including the urn.

14     lawyer jokes


What is the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?

About 2.3lbs, including the urn.

1     mother-in-law jokes


Proposal

After a whirlwind sex tour of Chinese brothels, a man comes back from his vacation, exhausted but happy. A few weeks later he notices purple and green rings on his penis. Terrified that he caught some disease he goes to his doctor. He runs some tests and tells him that he has Chinese VD and his penis must be amputated. The man is horrified and gets a second opinion. The other doctor says the same thing- the dick has to come off. Finally, the guy reasons to himself, "Since I got this from some Chinese tart, I'll go to a Chinese doctor and see what they say. So, he goes to see Dr. Hu G Wang. The man shows him his penis and says that all the other doctors said he needs to have his dick cut off. Dr. Wang shakes his head and laughs. "American doctors- always want to operate. No worry! You have Chinese VD. It OK!" The guy heaves a huge sigh of relief! "No, no cut dickie off, after week dickie turn black and fall off.

1     Short jokes


There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, Dick, and Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Dick goes inside the cupboard, and Pea jumps around outside.

The teacher returns and yells: "Zip down, Dick out, and Pea in the corner!"

76     dick jokes


Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing.

“Did you get that for your birthday?” He asked.

“No!” Jimmy replied.

“Well did you get it for Christmas then?” Johnny asked.

“No!”.

“You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“No!” said Jimmy.

“I went into Mom and Dad’s bedroom the other night when they ‘doing the nasty’. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."

Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy’s new watch.

He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents’ room until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.

Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily: “What do you want now?”

“I cannot sleep there's water in my bed”. Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said: “Fine! Stand at the corner keep quiet and wait!”.

66     sex jokes






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