Twice - 23 jokes17 fat jokes
26 sex jokes
researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey
of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke
, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife
, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."
"That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage
is paid off."
16 Hillary Clinton jokes
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks
behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.
"Oh," said Hillary," whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan
4 husband jokes
Why do wives
use twice as many words as their husbands
Because they have to repeat everything they say.
20 mule jokesNext page Jokes
was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary
. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon
," explained the lady. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule
. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled. My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'"